


THE WEDDING TRIP

by StarWars1977



Category: Star Wars / After the Return of the Jedi
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-16
Updated: 2016-01-16
Packaged: 2018-05-14 07:56:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5735749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarWars1977/pseuds/StarWars1977
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Han and Leia are finally married and go on their honeymoon trip,<br/>taking 3CPO with them.<br/>Boy, what tales the droid returns with.</p>
            </blockquote>





	THE WEDDING TRIP

"Oh, Artoo, It's SO good to be back" Threepio sighed to his counterpart as he entered the droid room.

"I feel as though I could shut down my circuits for a lunar week!"

"Weeble omph pzhew."

"Yes, I missed you too. There's been so much excitement lately, what with the victory of the Rebellion, the wedding...."

"Zoot bip bip, nmin?"

"Did I ENJOY the trip? Really, Artoo, that word has positively No relationship to the journey. I hope I NEVER again

accompany Mistress Leia and Genera, uh, Captain Solo on that thing called a 'honeymoon."

"Meep lop ep uha noy."

"Of COURSE I'm confused. You'd be too if you had been the one required to go with them. Oh, everything went so well......

the wedding, the reception, the preparations for departure .....until we were gone."

"Weema squicjh pmig?"

"What was the problem!? Artoo, you are ignorant of what you ask. The first problem was how her Royal Highness explained

to the Captain the reason I was going with them. She had the nerve to tell him I was needed to carry their luggage! Can you comprehend

that Artoo? A droid of my station, reduced to performing lowly tasks that any unprogrammed and uncertified collection of metal could do.

Did she once take into consideration all the time spent in programming me for diplomatic and protocol duties? Why, I should be in the service

of some high-ranking member of the Universal Parliament..."

"Ping nimo diple!"

"Oh...yes...well, getting back to the story; that didn't sit too well with the General. He threatened to space me if I interferred just

ONCE, though I've no ideal what I wasn't supposed to interfere IN. Really...they expect me to read their minds! I'm only a droid, after all.

He relented, but only after I heard her whisper that they could always shut me down. I have NEVER been so insulted! How am I supposed to perform

my duties if I'm shut down? I'm programmed as a translator and instructor, and the planet to where we were headed......."

"WEEBDLE! oMPH BEEPOW?"

" I don't KNOW what happened on the flight.....they shut me down!"

'BLZzzzzzzzz."

"ARTOO! You had best watch your binary language!"

"Peep, zoot, dit?"

"Once we got to Eden Pyxis, the accommodations were superb. Oh, such magnificence! The architecture of the Bysanth Era was absolutely

breathtaking. Did you know everything the Bysanthines built was never secured by braces, mortar or adhesive? it was all held together

by the gravitational pull and air pressure of the planet. Those eternal building have stood for ages......"

"Nip wha lat umphy?"

"Stop interrupting me, Artoo."

"Wee diple zimpa plooosh!"

"Well, you SHOULD be interested. How are you ever going to expand your techinical tapes if all you concern yourself with is the life being's adventures."

"Pshez wheaaz."

"I was just trying to spice up an otherwise unexciting trip with a few facts. Even Captain...uh....General...Oh, it's so difficult

to know what to call him, these days!. I'm used to 'Captain' and he still IS the the Captain of the MILLENNIUM FALCON, but the Alliance made him a general, and since he married the Princess, even 'Prince' would be an applicable title, but when I called him that, he gave me a terrible look and said it made him feel like a member of the Kesnine species, and that if I EVER called him Prince again, he would change the position of my feet and my head, because the only thing my head was good for was standing on..............."

"YYYiiiWWW!"

"I didn't find it funny."

"lema mep so quem?"

"Oh, my goodness, NO, Artoo! I certainly would NOT just call him 'Han'. How impropper. Why, Her Highness would have me melted

down for being so disrespectful!"

"Oom wip low ppi."

"You're certainly being nosy about this trip, Artoo. It's not polite to pry."

"Lema meep?

"Well, actually, I wasn't allowed to be with them most of the time. The General wouldn't let me stay in their suites.

I had to remain in the corridor outside; and he practically kept Her Highness a prisoner! They left only to attend the state dinner

she insisted on."

"MIp tee zzlw ppua?"

"Why, yes, as a matter of fact, Captain Solo did get rather angry about the dinner. He was furious that she dared to 

trick him into diplomatic business on their honeymoon. I can't see his reason for such hostility. Diplomatic affairs

are always high-ranking priorities in the lives of...."

"Whm zep blip oop?

 

"Do you always have to ask such irrevelant questions?"

"TTT eese."

"They served odacca, a highly spiced fram, beverages of all kind, trays and trays of kobishes and the most magnificent

three-tiered spiral sposh! Oh, Artoo, to have taste buds! Life beings do have quite a few advantages over us, you know. But I'm proud to

say that, aside from a few quadra-linguals, I was able to understand every smattering of conversation at their table."

"Whjo bee omph whel."

"Yes, in my most formal and diplomatic tones, i translated quite a bit of information for Her Highness and the General.

Well,... there was ONE incident I didn't tranlate,."

"Blle hap ne a kie?"

 

"Oh, Artoo, if I tell you, you must promise NEVER to repeat it."

"Zee bomp."

"There was this one....very...ah...inquisitve diplomat's wife. She apparently loved every edible at the feast and she 

insisted on trying other foods that were prepared especially for the off-world guests. She snitched a morsel from the

Captain's plate and gave him a smile. He instructed me to tell her some of the most insulting and embarrassing remarks

he could think of. Why, it would have started an intergalactic incident!"

"Hiz lop pingwa?:

"No, I'm NOT going to repeat them to you. Just listening to them nearly shorted my circuits."

"Weeble bee pow?"

" I told her the Captain said he felt most graciously honored that such a beautiful lady as herself would choose something from his plate."

"Diple, squitch ploomah."

"There's no way he could have known what I was saying; I spoke in Napeese. Though, he DID give me a curious look when the lady

didn't get upset." 

"The dinner guests lingered over their drinks and discussed important galactic matters for quite some time. It was a truly enlightning 

evening........."

"Dit dit."

"Well, the Prin...uh...Captain, became quite restless, listening to all the different diplomatic ploys. Actually..... I think it was beyond

his capacities."

"Pwinga?"

"He became so bored, he finally just got up, grabbed Mistress Leia and me by our arms...and ushered us - not too gently, mind you -

from the banquet hall. Oh, Artoo, many of the politicians were insulted by such abrupt behavior! I apologized in every conceivable

language until I was jerked from the room. The Princess exhibited admirable restraint; she only fumed at his appaling behavior."

"Zoo bip bip?"

""The general said he did it because they had better things to do than sit and listen to some stuffy diplomats he hadn't come

to see in the first place." I can't imagine what 'better things' he had in mind. They only went back to their rooms. They had a big

arguement and the Princess finally threw him out of the suites."

"Yemae pzhew nimn."

"Don't anticipate me, Artoo, I'll tell you the rest. The Captain refused to take a room elsewhere, and chose to sleep in the

hall by their door. He said he was going to embarrass Her Highness to the passers-by. He certainly embarrased ME...with all that 

yelling and pounding on the door. He said sleeping in a hall with a talkative, gold plated droid wasn't his idea of a very exciting honeymoon.

Honestly, Artoo, sleep is sleep, whether it's with me or with Mistress Leia."

"Loza new hez ip"

"What do you mean, 'it depends on one's preference'?".

"Nit dit rzea oap."

'I am NOT naive! In any case, the next morning, he brought her an apology gift. An Eden Pyxis Mating plant."

"Pmig wee!"

"Right move!? What are you talking about? Have you ever seen an Eden Pyxis Mating plant? Well, I hadn't, but, I

certainly learned about them. They grow very rapidly. The legend on the pot stated it would multiply the love of the

one who received it -so much for legends. The Princess was appeased for a while, but I personally don't think their fighting will

ever end! She gave me the care of the plant - can you imagine? Me? I'm not a botanical droid. I may be versed in six million forms

of communication, but the care of plant forms is another matter. They have to be groomed every day and tended with water

and nutrients in exact amounts so that....."

"Plastpt."

"Artoo, where are you going? Don't you know it's rude to walk away when someone is talking to you?"

'ZIT ZIT.."

"But, Artoo, there's more...."

"Blaamph"

"It's all TRUE. I'm NOT fabricating any of this... come back Artoo......Artoo.......ARTOO!!!!..............


End file.
